Yesterday I said good bye to a dear friend of mine, and it still doesn’t feel real. Today the fiance and I went to her mom’s to pay last respects through conversation of remembrance. I miss her so much. I see where Rachael got her attitude from, it made me smile. Friends and family wrote little messages on balloons that will be released once her ashes are scattered in Trinidad to travel as far and wide as possible. Rach always wanted to travel, so it’d be cool to hear from people that find a balloon or two with our messages.
Now this week I should receive the results of my EEG/EKG in home study results on my head and heart and they better find something wrong. My chest is tight, it is constricting and hurts and I’m having dizzy spells and fainting a lot. This sucks!
I am driving myself crazy here. I just want answers.
I feel like a fool.
It seems like no matter what I confess the doctors and even my family I feel at times think I’m making it all up.
My birthday is in a week and I kind of dont want to celebrate it this year as Rach and I along with the fiance were making plans to celebrate together with eating at my favorite restaurant, Cheesecake Factory and going to see the new Marvel Antman and The Wasp movie. My my parents say I should still celebrate, but my bestie is gone. Turtle says whatever I want he’ll support. So yeah…
Well I am currently listening to Nsync on Pandora per Rachael’s rememberance and smiling and crying…