Here I am at the close of the weekend and I am unsure where my life is heading, except towards a vague dark path. I say this because I have done a lot of wrong, and a lot of wrong has been done towards me. Perhaps not as much as I think, but I feel helpless.
I tried being positive, I tried being informative, I tried… I tried… and nothing! I know I should keep trying, however, I am discouraged when there is no progress. There is nothing but negativity and dispair it feels like. I’m tired…
I really need to get a handle on this falling asleep after taking my morning meds and breakfast. All my meds make me sleepy and dizzy, one reason I can’t hold a 9-5 job, which I’ve written about, but they keep some of my monsters at bay. I have talked with my psychiatrist about this and all he seems to care about is the monsters decreasing, but damn it I am sleeping all the damn time and I don’t like it, the hubby sure as heck doesn’t like it and the doggies, well they just sleep with me. I am not sure what to do, I’ve already cut one medicine out, but nothing, it seems to have gotten worse I think.
I have many projects in my studio to work on, exercise I should be doing, baking treats, all kinds of things but I fall asleep. AHHH! What do I do? I can’t keep doing this. I am losing my sanity, if it ever was there. I’m losing my relationships. I’m losing my health. The anxiety and panic attacks have increased and no amount of xanax helps, I mean it puts me to sleep, and that is a no no.
Coffee? You guessed it, it puts me to sleep, so if I do have some it’s at night to calm me down. The hubby and pops suggested going back to my energy smoothies in the morning, so I’m going to try that. I’ll try not to wake up anyone with the blender, hehehe.