Today would have been your 27th birthday. It has been six years that I’ve been without you here on this earth for your birthday. I miss you dearly. You come up in conversation with Turtle at least once a day if not more, which is both disheartening and exciting.
You see because of you, Turtle and I wouldn’t be together today, you pushed me to talking back with him, and he accepted the gesture. We got engaged two Christmases ago and part of me prayed your be there when he asked. I like to think you were there and still here with us. It has been tough.
You were my bestie right from the moment our bus pulled up to Great Lakes Illinois, Recruit Training Command Center, in the snow. You sat next to me anytime we were told to sit and wait that night. That night I both remember clearly and also quite vaguely, since we had been up for over 24hrs.
Boot camp was not easy, but we pulled through as much as we could. You made it, you were strong. The fact that we remained besties is because we fought for each other, we helped the other out, plus your stories about your dad were hilarious. You were awesome.
Lindsey I miss you. I could talk about each day we spent together, which I sometimes do just to smile and laugh, but I won’t here because I cry. You know better than anyone that I do cry at our memories. I thought I’d lose you when the kids came around or when we had to battle who HE was, but you surpassed your young age.
Do you remember the first home visit to church and everyone thanked us for serving and also asked when we’d marry? Ha, we were just the closest besties out there. What about the time your mom asked me to make yellow rice with gandules because she never had them? I still remember her face, she was looking at the plate in disbelief, but oh she loved it so. Then my mother stuffed you with her famous cinnamon pecan swirl French toast? Ahh your little 5’0″ 100 and something pound self looked like she was prego with twins. We laughed at that since you said you’d never have kids, you just wanted to help those around you that you loved.
Today I credit a lot towards you making a better person, or you helping me through certain situations. I pray that I instilled some on your short life.
I remember the day we found out officially about my Bipolar diagnosis, we went to Starbucks, had our usual venti caramel frapachinos with soy milk and didn’t talk. This was perhaps the only time we said nothing for an hour until we went back home to base and cried. I think this was the only time you I saw you cry. Damn I miss you, so does Turtle cause he knows I wouldn’t be the pushover I am now if you were still here. But you know I will never blame you, you loved your job as a corpsman for the Navy and wanted to make a career out of it. And that you did.
Wow this letter is lengthy, could get much more lengthy with me writing it. But I just want to say one more thing, you were the best and always will be, because beyond the grave you still help me. You loved Penelope as your own, as did you with Josepha, Carlos, and Annalissia.
I love you Lindsey and I pray you know that and continue on with your guidance from up above. And to my followers, if you were able to make it through my fluffy letter to my bestie, you know that living with mental illness is no joke and you need to surround yourself with positive people; just know Lindsey was mine and I pray you all have a Lindsey in your life.