Sitting in the Shadows

I sit in the shadows,

Watching life pass me by,

No one stopping to notice me,

The pain I’m going through,

The hurt that’s deep inside,

But no one notices.

Little kids are playing,

It starts to rain,

Parents call them home

One little boy remains,

No one’s calling him home,

He walks around, playing with a ball,

What should I do now

He starts to cry

Maybe it’s the rain

I call out

He doesn’t notice.

Should I step out of the shadows

Help him

I risk everything

I step out

When I do, to my surprise,

It becomes clear

The boy is my reflection

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I never

I never got to say good bye,

To the one I truly loved,

The one that cared for me

The one that was always there for me

The one that understood me.

I need to say good bye

To get him off my mind,

I don’t want to feel any hurt or grief inside me

I want to feel loved and cared for once again

I want to go through life knowing that I’ve been loved

Untitled

Tonight I tried to tell him that I was real

No strings attached

The laughter not involved with jokes

100% me standing confidently

With every worry in the world

Racing through my head

Knowing the destination was far from acceptance

Tonight I tried to tell him I was real

My heart aching for warmth

Yet my eyes glazed

Knowing the beginning was the end

With each question forward

Three leaps backwards

Hiding in humility and distain

Tonight I tried to tell him I was real

Though acceptance was far from mind

Each blow came harder and lower

Stricking out each time

Saying “forget it”

Knowing inside a knife had pierced th e thought

Redemption is far

Requirements

Today has been full of pain. Either my bruised ribs hurting me when I breathe or having a migraine to just moving. I’m fed up of always being in pain, which makes the depression worst. I wish I was manic. I did get some words from Turtle and I am grateful to have him in my life. Determination and consistency are two things I require, I’m thinking and planning, so here we go…

Still awake

Started this last night/early this morning and figured I go ahead and post, rather than delete…

Yup, still up, have my eyes glazing over and I really want to go to sleep but something/-one won’t let me. Ahh, still excited about what’s to come, but I’d rather sleep than stare at this empty canvas of a wall.

Reminds me of a bipolar moment I have had many a times in life. I see the world being built then destroyed, but i never see the same thing twice. I often wish others could see this beauty, yes even of the blind.

Yes

There’s less than an hour left in the day of Tuesday for me and I am not the same person I was this morning, I’m excited!

Really?

Yes! I am looking forward to some goods news about a writing opportunity, my hubby is getting closer to achieving his dreams in writing as well, and I so want to try some new cooking/baking dishes in the next few days .

With that said it’s time to say good night.

Stressing

I’m still hearing and seeing things and people that aren’t there. What in the world do I do? I’m stressing out so much that it hurts. I want to color or paint but my focus is off, I have Hulu on watching Seinfeild to keep some noise on; but it just isn’t loud enough. Well I’ll go walk the girls in a few after planning tomorrow’s menu.