The black cloak

As my followers know I struggle with my hallucinations, both auditory and visual; well today I am focusing my entry on that of a visual hallucination that has plaqued me for some time.

As a disclosure I’ve seen this same hallucination since the age of nine, just throughout the years the image gets progressively pronounced and bolder. I speak of the black cloak in the room…..

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It always first appears in a corner, then on second glance it is in the middle of the room. This black cloak is not defined by me in any noticeable way….

Perhaps if I just speak about the most recent time I’ve seen the black cloak in the room….this was last night in the bedroom, when my auditory hallucinations were telling me to end it all, on my terms. I believed them, whoever they are. I calmly walked towards the magic bottle that would end it all, on my terms.

Turtle was in the room talking and I just wasn’t listening anymore. I uncapped the pill bottle and the cap from the water………the black cloak stood in front of me, which I now know is impossible since there was no space in front of me, only a window, on the third floor….

I turned around and attempted to empty the bottle in my mouth and chug it down with some water when Turtle knocked both from my grasp and the black cloak appeared darker and bolder, almost laughing at me…… though no sound came from this figure. No eyes, no fire, nothing, just a black cloak forming the shape of a human being.

Now of course my attempt was just that…… however the black cloak in the room still haunts me to this very hour. I’m tired and fed up, so is everyone around me, perhaps even my dogs, which all makes me quite sad.

I wake up having suicidal thoughts, and they linger throughout the day…. perhaps this black cloak in the room is that of a precursor before an attempt by me us made. I honestly do not know anymore. All I do know is that the black cloak in the room lingers and wants me. It is not pushing or nagging me in, just stands there politely. This is scary.

Damn why am i scared of the black cloak in the room?

A poem about this my soon follow.

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