It’s been a while

I got used to writing in here everyday but for the past couple I just really didn’t have anything to say. Not sure if I have anything right now either, but I made a promise to myself to write everyday, even if it was just a paragraph.

Right now I’m sitting up in bed thinking about what to paint. I should be in the studio but again I’m feeling ehh, not sure what I am feeling.

When I get like this I get pissed, at myself and the world.

I know it doesn’t make much sense, but to me it does and I hate it. It’s crazy. It’s maddening. It’s dumb. Yes I just admitted that I don’t make sense, it’s crazy but unfortunately to me it is true.

Having bipolar 1 with anxiety and schzio-edfective and ptsd I already have a messed up hand of cards, but I have surpassed somethings, NOT everything. I still get depressed and manic, I still get panic/anxiety attacks out of the blue and when it comes to new things, I see and hear things that are not there, then I get scared at certain noises or situations which just spiral me out of control. I hate this all.

Ahh

Just me ranting I suppose, but at least I wrote something here in my blog, and whether you see it as an achievement or not is not my problem. My blog is mines, I use it for therapy and if it helps others into a view of someone true then cool.

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