It’s difficult coping with bipolar in a relatiosnhip. This is not said to be rude or predijous but rather truth on my part with my own exprience.
Today has been especially trying since my fiance has become brutally honest with me, speaking of snapping out of the funk bubble I’m in, and widening my eyes to the reality. Every couple fights, yes, but what got me started, was when he asked how I was feeling and I responded with “depressed. sad.” “I know how that feels.” “no you don’t” was my responce, and there it began.
I felt as though ‘how can you possibily know how it feels like for me to wake up every day, tired and disgusted with my life? I go about walking in my zoomieland with sadness in my heart, even though I know there is much to be happy about. It feels as though I am lost in a world that doesn’t know how to save me.
I cry with the hurtful words of disgust towards me and the illness that shatters my brain on a minute by minute interval. All of this and so much more visit the trials of coping with an illness that the other person will never fully understand.
Skip to some other things in my relationship there has to be constant reassurances and I know this bothers him since I have devoided to that of an adolescent as he says. Also communication between us is difficult, it has changed over the years we’ve known each other. I feel like there is a window that is closing a little bit everytime I open my eyes to the man I’ve loved before I even told him that I loved him. Turtle is lovely but it’s hard on the ears when he says ‘I know’ for my shoes are already filled. And it doesn’t help that I clam up when it’s time for me to be vocal about my feelings. I can argue and yell anytime but the moment in which it counts I fail.
Having bipolar is a struggle, living with it day in and day out causes tribulations. So when I approached him before saying anything else I said something along with lines of you need to know I have bipolar and it is a challenege each and every day. So if you can accept that then we’ll be golden, if not, bye. And well we’re engaged now, so not me, not him, but US/WE have accepted the challenge and we fight everyday to be with each other in this crazy world. Rant over…