an early experience, with a lesson learned

When I found out that depression wasn’t my only enemy I paniced, which of course sent me twirling towards mania and I was lost. Not knowing what this feeling was I quickly spent every dollar I had. It was theraputic but dangerious at the same time. I had just received a credit card in the mail with a $3000 limit. I went ape, buying things I absolutly did not need or desire. Most of it wasn’t even for me; rather the family and friends I had at the time.
Upgrading from WalMart and Ross to JCPenny, Sears, and Dillards, my bounty was endless, or so I thought. In one day I spent money that wasn’t even mines with no second thought. I arrived home in my mini-van full of bags. My neighboors must have assumed I had Christmas on the brain. This was Christmas for me. I was cheerful and a bit elated, not stoppping once to reveal that I was crying on the inside. I felt like crap, nutted up and called my psychiatrist then therapist, admitting to them both I didn’t want to live in this world and hung up. This as you may have guessed led me to become part of the system. I was Baker Acted and well that is all there is to my early days with the label of ‘crazy, freak, suicidal tendency, driven insane, acrobadic self.’

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