a 9-5 job? NO

is-8I recently sat down and began to think “why don’t I have a 9-5 job like most my age?” This question and more came to mind and then reality struck within.

First, in case you are new to the party, I struggle with my bipolar, schizo-effective and anxiety disorders. Wow, what a mouth full I know. But just saying those words mean nothing to the cashier that checks me out at the grocery store, or the pharmacy technician at the drug store, not even my psychiarist at times. One must describe, after all we are a detail oriented society.

Now as a disclaimer no two people are alike, this goes along with mental disorders.

Some of the basic demons I  deal with are that either of:
excessive sleep/insomnia
depressed or sad feelings
difficulty concentrating
suicidal thoughts/actions
hallucinations (aditory/visiual)
panic/anxiety attacks

Remember these are some, not all, but this list has terrified me for many years now. Some days are better than others, with some taking time to overcome. Days, weeks, sometimes month, so this is why I do not have a 9-5 job. Now I’ve been told, “oh you can still work, a lot of people like you work.” but you know something I’ve tried. I worked in retail in my young life, I even proudly joined the Navy.

I guess what I am trying to say is, would you want someone that constinetly sees fire around them and dark holes around your eyes serve you food in a resturant, check you out at Wal-Mart, operate on you in the hospital, and such on? I don’t think so! I do not wish to harm any individual with the things my brain has had a short circut with.

is-10It pains me everyday when I wake up knowing I am not doing my part to help my family finacially since the medication and side effects of them can harm others if I were to be put into an authoritative position. However, I do small things like, cook dinner, bake delicious deserts, aid in cleaning around, and take care of my furbaby.

So that is why I don’t have a 9-5 job, rather as I classify it, I have a mental ungoing job to take care of myself first, then those I care about about. Until next time, G. Merced, content.


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