Invisible Illness, Real Pain

question-mark-clip-art-free-clipart-imagesI was posed with a question after reading an article about diagnosis of bi-polar disorder, how does it changes your life?

Well many would say there are many aspects of life that change with such a diagnosis, reality for me anyways was everything. There needs to be structure present. For me structure went out the window in late December, why would I need it with something wrong with my brain. Truth was and still is, that it is a necessity. As I wrote in an earlier post routine is crucial.

My life turned from the colorful rainbow to different shades of grey, a shift in moods I’d later find out. Mania and depression would now rear their ugly heads in whenever they felt the urge to pretrude in my bubble life.

Often times I wonder about the good ol’ days, as the saying goes, before I received my diagnosis, but why? It is confusing, and lets admit there’s enough goong on in this brain of mine. I was side swiped with the news, or was I (topic for another blog post) that I just wanted answers.

In case tou haven’t realized, psychosis induced my manic behavior. The weather  storm was a dangerous one for me, a whirlwind of emotions that there wasn’t any one thing or place to anchor myself. I felt helpless and lost, no direction to turn towards. Depression crippled my world,  still does, I wish it didn’t.

Lastly the article I read, posed me with, what have I learned about living with bipolar; responsibility, close relationships, and continued education. Until next time, G.Merced

*I cannot say I choose this life, but I accept it today, other days not so much.

*From the outside looking in, it’s hard to understand. From the inside looking out, it’s hard to explain.


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